


Conflicted

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 09:44:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/796851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If I could. [09/15/03]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conflicted

## Conflicted

#### by silvina

  
Standard Disclaimer. Will not protect against STD's or pregnancy. Well, maybe pregnancy. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com. Dedicated to someone I thought was my friend.   
  
  


* * *

If I leave, you'll take that as a statement against you. Our friendship will not recover, you've already made up your mind about me. 

If I stay, I'll just keep getting on your nerves. 

There is one thing I can do, even though it means giving up everything. I'm sorry it came to this. I hope you'll understand why I did what I'm about to do. 

I can't forget some of the things you said to me. I think that there are two of you, the person you want to be, and the person you try and cover up. 

I hate being called emotional, just because I know what emotions are and trust how I feel. Responding emotionally doesn't mean that I'm hysterical or not logical. I'm not the one who calls names and says things intended to hurt you. I know more of your buttons then you think, but I would never use that information against you. 

This isn't a friendship anymore. The shell is there, and to the people around us we play at it, but you stopped trusting me a long time ago. I'm not even sure that you ever did. You trusted me with your senses, to help you, but you didn't trust _me._

I haven't decided what I'm going to do after the press conference. Don't worry, what ever I decide to do I'll make sure you know how to contact me in case anything comes up with your senses. That's about all we have left, isn't it? 

* * *

Now what? What am I supposed to do here? Everyone else seems to have an idea. Between my father, the Army, and the police department, there's always been a right and a wrong. Look out for number one. The greater good. Serve and protect. I can't do any of that. I can't even ask Blair, the only person who might know, because we're not speaking. He's not speaking to me, or I'm not speaking to him. I'm not sure which anymore. 

Every time I turn around there's someone asking how it feels to be Superman. I never wanted to be Superman, even as a kid. I just wanted to be normal. It's been a long time since I've felt normal. 

I know there's something I'm supposed to be doing. I'd give anything to know what that is. I just want to live my life in peace. All this attention makes me angry, and I don't know who to be angry at. Hundreds of people can read about my fear based responses or territorial imperative. Guarantee Sandburg put something in there about the sex life of a Sentinel, though I couldn't stand to read more then the first chapter he was going to submit. 

Damn it, Blair, why couldn't you leave well enough alone? We were doing okay; why couldn't everything just stay the way it was? I would have been happy with that. If there's one thing these damn senses have taught me is that I need Blair. But how do I trust him with my private life if it isn't private and no longer mine? How do I trust him now? 

I can't just forget what happened or the things he wrote. If that's what he thinks of me, what's left to do now? 

* * *

End Conflicted by silvina: sdelcul@yahoo.com  
Author and story notes above.

  
Disclaimer: _The Sentinel_ is owned etc. by Pet Fly, Inc. These pages and the stories on them are not meant to infringe on, nor are they endorsed by, Pet Fly, Inc. and Paramount. 


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